Phở Ngon Lắm

I sat behind this kid in Vietnamese class tonight. I was so fixated with his shirt. I think I have one just like it. I remember buying it at Hot Topic in Hollywood a few years ago. I think I wore a few times and then it just hung in the back of my closet for the rest of its life. I believe I donated that shirt to Goodwill. Rest in peace Hot Topic shirt.


I'm having a great time with this Vietnamese class. I'm slowly but surely building my confidence in not only speaking, but reading and writing as well. It amazed me when the instructor made me get up in front of the board and take down dictation, and I was able to do it! Granted, the kinds of sentences that I'm coming up with is elementary, but at least I'm getting it. It made me proud when I sat down and was able to read what my classmates had written on the board:

Tại sao chị thích ăn phở? Tại vì phở ngon lắm!

Translation:
Why does she like phở (Vietnamese noodle soup)? Because phở tastes good!

Pretty good, eh?

Dog Stress

Moving is stressful, even for dogs! Luckily, Chewbacca's favorite aunt was able to give her a bath and massage. Seriously though, my dog is really stressing out. I've been so busy helping my mom with this move that I have, unfortunately, been neglecting my little dog. I keep telling Chewbacca that the madness will be over soon. Dogs know when you don't pay attention to them, and I admit that I've been guilty. Sorry Chew!

Vietnamese Class

I've decided to enroll in an introductory Vietnamese course at De Anza College. It's definitely a long way to travel, but I'm really committed to this. Illiteracy is frustrating, and my ultimate goal is to be able to pick up a Vietnamese newspaper and read it. In any case, I made it through the first week of class, and, like the Elton John song, I'm still standing! This is definitely going to be a challenging quarter, but I really want to do this. Who knows, once I master this language, I may start a new blog...all in Vietnamese!

Boxes

It is very emotionally draining going through all the boxes in the garage. The goal is to get rid of as much as we possibly could. It's hard though. I've been unpacking boxes and uncovering things I haven't seen in decades. We moved into this house way back in the early eighties when I was still in junior high, so every object that I find has some sort of historical significance. It's certainly not easy for my mother, but I keep reminding her to just close her eyes and toss out as much as she can. We both agreed that the only thing that we will keep will be photos and old letters. Below is a vintage shot of me that I found stashed away in a box. Even way back then I was working it. I had such fashion sense, too. BLAST OFF!

The Garage

Before I can move into my new digs, I will have to help my mom clear out her's. Here's a picture of my mom's garage. I kid you not, there is no room to walk. It is my job to clear out this garage as well as all the other stuff in the house. Oy vey!

San Francisco Resident

I am now an official San Francisco resident. I found the perfect studio in the Outer Richmond, two blocks from the beach. I really hit it off with my new land lady, and with my steady job, she asked me to move in right away. I had to take a 4 digit cash advance from my credit card in order to cough up the first month's, last month's, security and pet deposits. Right now I am a sitting amputee, having given my arms and legs to the credit card company. I'll deal with the consequences later, but for now, I can bask in the glory of being a new San Francisco resident!

$1100 / 1br - Luxurious Address To Call Home (SOMA / South Beach)

My mom recently retired and has decided to sell the house and spend her twilight years living out of her suitcase. She plans to do a lot of traveling and will most likely set up headquarters at my brother's Visalia home. As a result of this decision, I got evicted! I am now actively looking for a place to live, and Craigslist has become my best friend. I found an amazing loft in the SOMA area for dirt cheap, and I had to inquire about it. $1100 for a luxurious loft in San Francisco! This ad sounded too good to be true, but my curiosity certainly got aroused. I responded and the response below confirmed that this was a hoax. Damnit! Oh well, I'm still in the search for a place to call home, so if anyone has any leads, let me know. My requirements: dog friendly, $1000-$1500, no room mates, preferably in San Francisco.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Nathan Kovach
Sent: Saturday, September 20, 2008 10:07 AM
To: Nguyen, Tony
Subject: Re: $1100 / 1br - Luxurious Address To Call Home (SOMA / South Beach)

Greetings!
Thanks for your email. The apartment is still available.
I decided to rent the apartment because we are going to spend more time here in West Africa, about 3 years.. Let me start by introducing myself.

I must confess that I am very very new in this landlord business. However, My name is Nathan Kovach. I own the apartment located at 1247 Harrison Street #14 San Francisco, CA 94103. Due to my job as a missionary I spent less time in the States so I could not get a hold on any Realtor to handle this rent issue, although it was when I knew how long we are going to stay in Africa that I decided to rent out the apartment.. However, the initial plan was to sale out the apt. which I tried, but sometimes the agents inflates the prize and it takes longer to sell. because of this reason and more we need a responsible person (With good credit) that can take very good care of it as we are not after the money , but want it to be clean and for you to take it as if it were yours.

As you know that the the rent is reasonable, One Mr. Jeremy sent an email about the apartment and I told him that I cant give him the apartment because he is married with 4 kids, I do not want his children to get my property damaged because of our future plans on the apartment.

The rent is $1,100 No extra fees.
Below is my phone numbers
0112348081540815 or +2348081540815

1) Your Full Name:
2) Your Full Address & Phone Number :
3) Occupation?
4) Marital status?
5) Rental Payment plan ( Every 1 month,3 month or 6 months?) most convenient
6) How long do you intend to rent?

I know you would want to see the apartment before making any kind of rental payment , which is understandable.
We can make arrangement for the keys and documentation including an Authorization letter to be shipped to you, this will give you the opportunity to view apartment.

Apartment features
* Contemporary Live/Work Loft
* 2 Car Parking & Storage
* Marble Baths
* Gourmet Kitchen
* Gas Range with Stainless Appliances
* In Unit Laundry
* Walk-out Patio
* Large Walk-in Closet
* Lots of Natural Light Throughout
* Stunning Common Areas
* Square Feet 980 Sqft

Regards
Nathan Kovach.

Another Random Tangent...

Gonorrhea Man!
The Justice League Of America has recruited a new addition to their super power team: Gonorrhea Man. While Superman has his super strength, Wonder Woman has her magic lasso, and Batman has his utility belt, Gonorrhea Man has the power to fight the sexually transmitted disease caused by gonococcal bacteria that affects the mucous membrane, chiefly of the genital and urinary tracts. His evil nemesis is Neisseria Gonorrhoeae, the giant bacteria creature that grows and multiplies in the moist swamps of society's reproductive tracts. When this evil STD attacks, Gonorrhea Man renders the offender unconscious by unleashing the deadly combination of tretracyline, ciprofloxacin, and azithromycin from his resevoir tip head shield. There is an epidemic, and this superhero was enlisted to put an end to it. The best prevention is abstinence, but since we live in a horny world, Gonorrhea Man is summoned to protect the universe from any acute purulent havoc inflicted by these menaces to society. It's a burn, it's a pain, it's Gonorrhea Man!

Fresh! Fresh! Fresh!

When The Pillsbury Doughboy's contract expired in 1999, Interstate Bakeries Corp., maker of Wonder Bread and Twinkies, woo'ed the floured icon to join their happy family. The bakery offered the Doughboy triple his salary, a dental plan, and every other Friday off--an offer that he could not be refused. Having the Doughboy pitch sliced white bread and Twinkies proved to be a stroke of corporate genius. Revenue jumped 109% and the Doughboy became an even bigger star, landing himself on the cover of Forbes Magazine as one of the richest entrepeneurs in America. Success got to the Doughboy's head, and he quickly found himself getting into trouble. The late night partying and frequent weekend outings with the likes of Hugh Heffner, Courtney Love, and Larry Flynt were all ingrediants in a recipe for disaster and demise.

Within 6 months, the Doughboy spun completely out of control. Mixed up with the wrong crowd consisting of porn stars, troubled celebrities, and coke fiends, the former Pillsbury Sweetheart self-distructed. He was recently caught on film snorting cocaine with Kate Moss in a London recording studio. All charges against the Doughboy were dropped because he convinced narcotics agents that it was actually flour and not coke that he sniffed. Moss, however, did not get off that easy. Alcohol, too, became a problem. Bottles of cooking sherry suddenly came up missing from every liquor store within a 15 mile radius of the Doughboy's home. However, what killed the Doughboy's career was his insatiable appetite for naughtiness, which ultimately tarnished his wholesome image. The Doughboy swung with the adult industry's sexiest starlets night after night. MTV News even reported that he contracted a yeast infection!

The Doughboy hit rock bottom when Interstate Bakeries Corp., filed for bankruptcy and dropped him from their campaign. By 2004, Americans became obsessed with the low-carb diet, and as a result, loaves of bread became the most loathed food item on the grocery store shelves. Doughboy stock plummeted to a dismal 4 cents a share, and the spokesperson disappeared into oblivion. Rumour has it that the Doughboy got addicted to prescriptioned pain killers and molded away in a cupboard somewhere. Below are two snapshots taken by the paparazzi. Photo #1 has Betty Crocker flashing her buns...now that's poppin' fresh. Photo #2 has Sara Lee and the Doughboy engaging in some sort of sadomasochistic activity. Sources close to the Doughboy believe that this is how he got that yeast infection. Nobody does it like Sara Lee.

You're probably asking yourself, "HUH?" Well, I'm asking myself the same thing right now. I guess I was thinking about Ho Ho's, which lead me to think about the Pillsbury Doughboy, and so I went into my photo archives and searched for photos of me as Poppin' Fresh. Yup, I dressed up as the Doughboy for Halloween a decade ago. My mind really does work in mysterious ways, eh?

Kid In Dystocia!

When I first met the members of IDOM, I really didn't know much about these people outside of the projects that they presented in class. We all came together with one common interest, video editing, and that's all. I knew that Rick was a chiropractor and a surfer, Joe had a kid and an iPod, and Sig was retired. As I worked with these people over the next two years on various 48 Hour Film Projects, personalities emerged and I got to know who the person behind the video editor really is. Something that not all IDOM'ers may not know about me is my past life on a goat barn. Yup, that's right, a goat barn.

If I were to compile a top 10 list of the most memorable moments in my life, I would definitely put my goat barn internship at the University of California at Davis somewhere in the top five. For three quarters, I swept the barn, fed the bucks, milked the does, castrated the kids, collected semen for artificial insemination, stirred collustrum, and performed various other barn duties. The defining moment of my college career came one spring afternoon in 1993 when I delivered a baby goat. Mother Nature took a coffee break that afternoon, so I had to intervene. Unlike human beings, animals give birth naturally. Kaiser doesn't get involved. This spring afternoon, however, one mother goat had problems. Her kid was in dystocia, which means that the offspring was not positioned correctly. This caused difficulties in the birth. Kids are supposed to come out head first, but this particular kid had one leg sticking forward. Had the mother continued to push, that kid's leg could have broken off. I couldn't allow this to happen, so I thought back to everything I learned in Animal Science 41 and jumped right in. It was Pre-Vet Quang Khoi to the rescue! Ever wondered how to deliver a goat? Well, here is the step by step process:














For those who may be wondering what the heck I was doing on a goat barn at UC Davis, I guess this would be the appropriate time to mention that I was studying to become a veterinarian. I went through the whole nine yards at Davis, taking all the required Science courses and doing a variety of internships. I graduated with a B.S. in Biological Sciences with an emphasis in Mammalian Physiology and racked up three digits worth of internship and volunteer time. I took a year off after graduation and worked as a veterinary technician, and in the end, I realized that this career was not for me. I couldn't see myself sticking thermometers up cats' butts for the rest of life. That, and the fact that I have this irrational fear of big dogs. Realizing that a future in Veterinary Medicine was not in the cards for me, I counted my losses and took a detour from this career path.

Working on the goat barn was definitely the most physically challenging job I ever had. I am not a physical labor kinda guy, so you can imagine how difficult it was for me. Even though I worked myself to complete fatigue, I thoroughly enjoyed my time there. Helping to deliver that kid in dystocia on April 28, 1993 will go down as one of the most memorable events that has ever happened to me. Amazingly enough, I was able to document that event with pictures. Just for the record, these shots are real--nothing here is photoshopped.

From King To Peasant

I had mentioned to Sig and Dinah on our drive to the Renaissance Faire that there are things in my past that I would like to lock up and throw away the key forever. The biggest skeleton in my closet is my sordid musical theater past. Ugh. As embarrassing as it was, however, theater did mold me into the TwirlyBoy that I am today! As I sat in the back seat of Sig's Matrix in my peasant clothes, I revealed that this actually wasn't the first time I donned renaissance gear. Back in high school, I scored the role of King Sextimus in "Once Upon The Mattress," and I got to wear the royal suit! I guess over the years, I lost all my power and wealth, and now I am just a lowly peasant.

But I'm An Angel, Really.

Miss Saigon

So Sig, Dinah, and I were driving home from the Renaissance Faire when Dinah blurts out, "I need to pee!" Sig and I burst into laughter. We always seem to amuse ourselves when we quote IDOM movies. Of course, after the laughter simmered, we immediately launched into crazy IDOM stories. Well, 10 minutes later, Dinah says, "uh, I'm serious. I really do gotta pee!" So I pulled off onto Story Road in San Jose, a.k.a. Saigon Street, in search of a Starbucks or McDonald's so that Dinah could pee. I drove a few blocks but came up empty, so I pulled into the Vietnamese mall. Imagine this: Quang Khoi walking with an African American renaissance woman through the mall of Saigon. People looked at us. It was definitely quite a sight. In any case, when Maiden deSpenza finished her business, I had her pose in front of the Nuoc Mia and Banh Xeo restaurants. She looked pretty damn fierce. We may have a new Miss Saigon here!

God Save The Queen!

Thy vile canker-blossom'd countenance curdles milk and sours beer! Ok, I didn't look that bad. I never thought it would happen, but I attended my very first renaissance faire this weekend. What an experience it was! My fair maiden and fellow peasant, Maiden Sig, invited Lady Dinah and myself to Willingtown, a little village in England, for a day of merriment! The three of us cheered on the Queen, listened to the siloquies of Sir William Shakespeare, dined on turkey legs and bangers, and bardered with merchants for ale, incense, and devil's horns. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, so a two minute clip of video at 24 frames per second will bring nearly 3 million words to all ye lords, ladies, and wenches to enjoy!

Kirk's Dikdik

My friend Daniel recently took a job at the California Academy of Sciences. The Academy has been under construction for some time now, but on September 27th, the doors will open to the public. Since Daniel is an employee, he was able to get my sister Diane and I special "Friends & Family" invitations to a pre-grand opening event. The three of us had a lot of fun walking through the rain forests, making faces at spectators through the aquarium plexiglass, and freezing our tushies off on the live roof. I was very impressed by the new and improved Academy. In fact, I think the California Academy of Sciences, though significantly smaller, will definitely rival the Monterrey Bay Aquarium. It's really that good.

One exhibit that really caught my eye was that of the little African gazelle called the Kirk's Dikdik. What an interesting name this little animal has! An IDOM member recently went to Africa with his family. I wonder if they saw Kirk's Dikdik there?



Wikipedia:
The Kirk's Dik-dik (Madoqua kirkii), is a small antelope found in eastern and southwestern Africa. It grows to 70 cm (28 inches) in length and weighs up to 7 kg (15 pounds) when full grown. It has a reddish-brown head and a tail that is 35–55 cm (14-22 inches) long.
It has a soft, grizzled gray to brown coat, and eats a wide range of plants. It has hooves with rubbery bottoms, which are effective when travelling over rocky terrain. Newborns are hidden for 2-3 weeks, and suckle for 3-4 months.

Genetic and behavioural evidence suggests that the Kirk's dik-dik exhibits a fidelity in monogamous behaviour. Genetic analysis of off-spring indicate little non-pair parentage. Year-round, Kirk's dik-dik maintains close within pairs, follows each-others activity patterns and spends more than half of their time with their partners, although males show no parental care. The males guard their mates closely during oestrus and over-mark all female scent. This behaviour reduces the likelihood of other males attempting to mate, however, males did attempt mate with other females on occasion. Genetic monogamy in dik-diks is probably best explained by the behaviour of females: in contrast to many monogamous female birds, female dik-diks do not appear to seek to mate outside the pair-bond.

Toni From It Donned On Me

A few weeks ago, I approached one of the film makers of the San Jose 48 Hour Film Project after her screening and let her to know that her film from the prior year made such an impression on me that I bookmarked the YouTube version on my web browser. I also noted that more often then not, I find myself singing the song from her movie. Her film was so memorable that a year later I'm still talking about it! I stopped her after the screening and had a good six to seven minute face to face conversation with her. Fast forward a few weeks, I see this posted on the San Jose 48 Hour Film Project message board:

I spoke with Toni from It Donned On Me this year, and she complimented me on last year's film! She said she had the YouTube link bookmarked in her Web browser. That means more to me than any award! And I still love the line from their entry last year, uttered by the character with the German accent: "I'm starting to like your dogs!"

Do I look a woman? Apparently so! I couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Toni" from It Donned On Me. It's so funny because she remembered our conversation very well, yet I don't think she really knew exactly who she was talking to. I emailed her back and asked if I look like a woman to her. I also added "just for the record, it's Tony with a y. 'Y' as in the 'y' chromosome. In other words, I am male :-) " How funny is that? In any case, if I were a girl, I'd like to look like this:

TwirlyBoy Grows Up

Double Stuff Racing League

Labor Day really threw me for a loop. All day yesterday, I thought it was Monday and today it felt like Tuesday. The calendar and clock have shifted in my head and, in a way, I feel like I am jetlagged but minus the need for sleep. To top everything off, it's been a hectic week in sports with the US Opening happening and the NFL season starting up.

I've spent the past few days watching my favorite tennis players duke it out while researching my picks for the upcoming fantasy football season. The bad news is that my girls, the Williams Sisters, had to square off against each other in the quarterfinals (younger sis Serena narrowly beat Venus), but the good news is that I got Peyton Manning as my quarterback! So in honor of Serena advancing to the semifinals and Peyton ending up on my roster, as well as Venus taking the Wimbledon title and Peyton's kid bro Eli winning the Superbowl, I am posting my newest favorite commercial. This Oreo ad is genius. The Williams Sisters and the Manning Brothers all on one stage. Genius.

My Workout Routine

About 4 weeks ago I was hit with a stomach virus that pretty much wiped me out. I spent that whole weekend hacking up a lung, a spleen, and a few other internal organs. It wasn't pretty. Although I was in a lot of pain, the detox actually did me good. I lost two digits worth of weight and didn't gain an ounce back. In fact, I managed to use that detox as a springboard to a healthier lifestyle, and as a result, I lost a whopping 18 pounds. By watching what I eat and consistently exercising, I was able to achieve this very difficult goal.

Now for the funny story. I went to gym during my lunch break today and spent 50 minutes doing a high intensity cardio workout. Afterwards, I headed over to the jacuzzi and then the steam room to relax my muscles, something that I do after every workout. The problem was that 24 Hour Fitness decided to close the pool area for cleaning. I saw the cleaning lady prep her equipment, so I quickly jumped into the jacuzzi. Unfortunately, she kicked me out after 4 minutes.

I quickly got out of the jacuzzi and sprinted over to the steam room. I entered the room and a 50-ish woman in a black bathing suit immediately inquired if they were going to kick us out. I responded, "most likely, but I'll give the cleaning lady about 6 minutes." The woman then launched into a tirade about how disappointed she was that our gym decided to clean out the pool area in the middle of the day. She went on to say that she needed the steam room because it revived her after her aqua aerobics. I agreed, and added, "it's an integral part to my workout routine!" Those words just twirled out of my mouth! It's a good thing that the woman interjected a response because I probably would have finished that line off with "how am I going to win an Olympic gold medal if I don't have my Ho Ho?!" Imagine that.

In any case, I am going to keep up with this new lifestyle modification process. So far so good. Who knows, maybe i'll be able to get back my college day physique. We'll see.

Stoned Again?

Uh Oh. Am I getting another unwelcomed visit from Mr. Kidney Stone? It's highly probable. I spent the whole night hacking up a spleen and now there's a sharp pain on my right side. If I am getting a blast from past, then I will provide my readers with my very own blast from the past. Most of you have probably already seen "Stoned," my 4 minute tale of internal physiological pain and how it affects the mind. This is actually my favorite piece so I don't mind showing it again and again. I'm in pain, give me a break...